Praise be to Allaah.
If it has become clear to
you that your fiancé has some faults that you cannot put up with, there is
nothing wrong with annulling the engagement. This is better than getting
married with the possibility of differences and conflicts, then divorce.
If you have thought about
that, then pray istikhaarah and ask Allaah for guidance, then tell your wali
so that he can apologize to your fiancé. Thus your engagement will be
Istikhaarah does not mean
that you should close your mind, and it is not only focused on material
matters that surround man, rather it is complementary to that. A person may
be hesitant about some matter, because it involves both good and bad, pros
and cons, or because he is uncertain of the consequences, so he asks Allaah
to make easy for him the good that He knows.
It may seem to you that a
suitor is free of faults, but Allaah knows that he is not suitable for you
and that there are faults in him of which you are unaware, or that you are
not suitable for him. Or it may seem to you that there are faults in a
suitor, but Allaah knows that he is suitable for you and that his faults
will disappear, or that they are not actually faults, or that he is suitable
for this woman, and other unseen matters that no one knows except Allaah,
may He be glorified.
It is well known that no
one can succeed except with the help and guidance of Allaah, and that if he
were to be left to his own devices he would be an utter loser. So if you
have prayed istikhaarah, asking Allaah for guidance, about something, then
go ahead with it. If it is good, Allaah will make it easy and facilitate it,
and if it is bad, Allaah will divert you from it or divert it from you.
To apply this to your
question: because of the faults that you see in your fiancé, you should pray
istikhaarah and ask Allaah for guidance about annulling the engagement, and
go ahead with it, by speaking to your wali or to someone who will convey
news of the annulment of the engagement. If the matter comes to an end and
is made easy, that is better for you, in sha Allaah. If it becomes difficult
to annul the engagement, then there is nothing good for you in that now; it
may be that Allaah knows that your getting married to him is better for you,
or that continuing the engagement for a while longer is better for you.
There is no reason why you should not repeat istikhaarah several times.
We should point out a
number of things:
Istikhaarah is not to be used
concerning things that are obligatory or forbidden or makrooh, except when
the hesitation is about setting a time to do an obligatory action. Based on
that, if it has become apparent that your fiancé does not pray or that he
commits immoral actions, for example, then you must refuse him, and it is
not prescribed to pray istikhaarah in that case.
The issue of things being made
easy or difficult may involve some doubt and waswasah (whispers from the
shaytaan). Perhaps the wali will try to contact the fiancé to tell him of
the annulment and will not be able to get in touch with him, so it is said
that the matter has become difficult. But that is not the case. Rather he
should try again to get in touch with him, or send someone to tell him the
news, and so on.
If a person goes against what
is indicated by istikhaarah, he is not disobeying Allaah or sinning, but he
will miss out on much goodness and will regret it if he does not do it, or
harm may befall him if he goes ahead with something that Allaah has not made
easy for him. Perfect faith and trust in Allaah means delegating one’s
affairs to Allaah and accepting His decision, and going ahead with the
matter after praying istikhaarah and deciding upon a course of action, and
not paying attention to waswasah.
Please see also the answers
to questions no. 11981 and
We ask Allaah to make good easy for you wherever it may be.
And Allaah knows best.