Is being far away from one's homeland and family -- which has caused depression for me -- an excuse which makes it permissible to ask for divorce? Please note that before marriage I knew that I would be living in a country other than my original homeland.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The depression that people feel may be a sickness that needs
to be treated and needs referral to specialists; or it may be feelings of
distress that may be relieved by doing a lot of acts of worship, remembering
Allah, keeping company with good and righteous friends, and keeping busy
with beneficial actions. For more information on that please see the answer
to questions number 22704,
21515 and
100774.
Whatever the case, Allah has not sent down any disease but He
has sent down a cure for it, and there is a remedy for this depression no
matter what type it is. The believer should adorn himself with patience and
certainty of faith, and he should turn to Allah a great deal and ask of Him,
because the keys to goodness are in His hand. How many believing men and
women have patiently borne a sickness or calamity or imprisonment, without
feeling the need to commit a haraam action. This is the action of people who
are discontent with the divine decree and are not patient in accepting what
Allah wills; they hasten to rid themselves of what has befallen them by any
means, no matter what negative consequences it leads to in this world or the
Hereafter.
Secondly:
It is not permissible
for a woman to ask her husband for divorce except for a legitimate shar’i
reason which prevents her from continuing with him, such as his bad
treatment or her being put off by him to the extent that she cannot give him
his rights. That is because of the reports narrated by Abu Dawood (2226),
al-Tirmidhi (1187) and Ibn Maajah (2055) from Thawbaan (may Allah be pleased
with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not
absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”
Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
And it was narrated from ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir (may Allah be
pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon
him) said: “Those who ask for khula’ are hypocrite women.” Narrated by
al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer (17/339); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani
in Saheeh al-Jaami’. No/ 1934.
If we assume that the wife in her state of anger, sickness or
depression asked her husband for a divorce, when she calms down she will
realize her mistake and ask Allah for forgiveness and apologize to her
husband.
If the depression and hardship stem from her relationship
with her husband, because of his bad treatment or because she dislikes him,
and this is proven by trustworthy people from her family, then they should
try to bring about reconciliation and consult the husband with regard to
that, so as to reach a solution which will bring the wife out of the state
of depression in which she is living.
Our advice to the questioner -- who has mentioned that the
reason for her depression is being far away from her family -- is that she
should be patient and try to get over this crisis.
Depression -- in most cases -- happens to the person who has
too much free time, who is not keeping himself busy with useful work,
whether it has to do with matters of the Hereafter or with worldly matters.
Keep yourself busy by doing useful things; join a circle for
memorizing the Holy Qur'aan; get to know trustworthy sisters who are
religiously committed and of good character, and work with them in doing
good deeds.
You can make an agreement with your husband that you can
visit your family from time to time, and we also encourage your family to
visit you as well.
The husband has to put up with what he may encounter from his
wife, and try to support her and help her to get over this crisis. It is
essential for the husband, the wife and her family to cooperate so that
things may go back to normal.
As for divorce, stop thinking about it and overcome the
depression that you are faced with. Seek the help of Allah and call upon Him
a great deal.
We ask Allah to set your affairs straight and to help you to
do all that is good.
And Allah knows best.
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